THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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