Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
