Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
