NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
