Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
