I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he had hair everywhere except his balls
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
