Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
