Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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