so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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