in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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