I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
