My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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