Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
