you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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