We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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