Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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