alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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