Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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