my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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