i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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