i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
