He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
