Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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