Michael Bay diarrhea
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
