I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
