Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
