Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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