And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
