thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
