He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
