pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
