Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
