Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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