tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
