Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
