Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
