cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
