Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
