Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
