Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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