you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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