he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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