i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
