I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
