So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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