Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
