I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
