Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
