I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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