I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
