I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
